Can't I Take a Shit in Peace?

Today is the first day of hunting season. There I was minding my own buisness, reading the latest copy of  "Suits on Ties off," and it happened. Three guys who we're, I'm guessing, hunting just walked right on up to me while I was using the bathroom. My instinct was to cover up and close the door a bit more, but those guys instinct was, "Hey what the hell was that?! Let's get closer." As they came closer I just made myself decent and walked out to let them know I'm using the bathroom. The one man, who I think was named Dave, saw me and fuckin shot at me twice with a 30/30. Needless to say I got po'd and grabbed Dave with my arms. As I did this the two others ran off and left there guns behind. Dave started cussing at me and yelling about my mother so...I turned him inside out, literally. Once I get rid of the body I'm going to go back to my shed and continue on with my "buisness."

This guy named Alex

See...my bro's and I got wasted last weekend. Alex and I went back to his house and we ended up blacking out around the same time. Well...you see, after I left the next morning and forgot my favorite red tie. I couldn't just leave it there so, later that night I decided to go over and get it. After about 3 minutes of him not answering his phone I just went up to his door and started knocking. He didn't answer, but he did look out his window to see who it was. When Alex looked at me, he just closed his curtains real fast and ran away. What the Fuck. Ahh well I'll get it some other time.